Tag Archives: relationship

A delusion called Friendship

1 Oct

Do you ever wonder why—during times of crisis—you react the way you react? Do you ever think that, if faced with some sort of one of those life-altering moments, you know yourself so well that your reaction won’t shock you? Like for instance, a friend tells you they decide to tattoo their forehead / hike Everest / go on Naked & Afraid Show / rob a bank, and when they tell you that, you know exactly how you’ll react to it, but in reality your reaction is quite the opposite, shocking you and your friend, to a point it alters your relationship with him/her. Shock that would make you pause for a surgical, introspective look, not only at yourself, but also at your relationship with that friend. And the deeper you look, the less you like what you see to a point you question not only how well you know yourself but also how well you know (or you thought you know) that friend.

Friends.

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We all have them and we all have heard at least once in our life the saying “you cannot pick your family, but you can (and you should) pick you friends.” We all build relationships based on likes and dislikes, common ground/morals, values, etc., and develop a support system so when we or them—our friends—fall apart, someone is there to catch us/them. We count on each other during good times and bad times, help each other pass whatever obstacle is thrown at us and eventually watch each other waltz through life.

Some friendships are meant to last a lifetime (they’ll be there to call you on your mistakes but still love you). Some are based on certain commonalities but have limitations (you might agree on politics but disagree on religion). And some friendships are there only when its convenient, through their good times and bad times, but fall apart at your first news of “I’m gonna tattoo my forehead/ hike Everest / go on Naked & Afraid Show / rob a bank.”

This past week my world titled, knocking the air from underneath my wings. For two days I dragged my broken wing trying to “float”, doing that surgical and introspective look at myself. I didn’t like what I saw, so I did what I knew best and reached out to my friends, baring my soul and letting them see my bleeding heart in its full tarnished splendor. Some of them gave me a piece of their mind, knocking me over the head, but also telling me—even though I’m stupid—they still love me. Some hugged me and told me they are sorry. And some got up and left the room.

images-1I stared at that door for a while . . .

I know it’s going to take me a while to process what happened, what triggered that to happen and that eventually my problem will have a solution and one way or another, I’ll be okay. I always am, always have, always will. I’m a fighter who, even after finding that I don’t always like the person gawking back at me in that mirror, I take responsibility for my mistakes and try to repair the wrong I’ve done. I always come back up for air, take baby steps toward recovery and eventually I will heal. But I also know that the door you closed behind will forever remain closed so. . . thank you for walking out like that, sparring me a delusion called friendship.

A tree atop a hill…

3 Mar

Here we are officially into the 3rd month of the year and once again I’m amazed how fast time just blows by. 

I remember as a kid back in communist Romania and going to school including Saturday, and how slow time crawled. Sometime after I turned 30 I experienced this rush and time did begin to move at a faster pace.

Anyway, this post is not about the lack of or how fast time moves but about how I chose to spend it. 

Last year I began March with a post that–in reading it now–brought back lots of memories. From having Mom here in the US, to my nephew’s health issues, to book appearances that post made me re-evaluate where I am a year later.

Right of the bat I can say I’m by far healthier. I began working out regularly and falling back in love with my own body. Anyone who struggles with her body image knows exactly what I’m talking about, right? I mean, we women have a tendency to be our worst critiques, aren’t we?

I’m also happier. I find that just looking at a cloudless sky  can make me really happy. Years ago, I was either too busy to observe the beauty surrounding me or that alone wasn’t enough; I needed something else or someone to make me happy. Now I can make myself happy with little things from a cup of coffee to a book to a manicure or as simple as holding my husband’s hand. 

I’m busier than a year ago. My day job is so crazy fast-paced that I find myself arriving at the office, blinking then 4pm hits the clock an voila: time to leave. I’m doing so much more that my job title no longer encompasses what I do: personal assistant, manager, travel agent, event planner, academic personnel coordinator and occasional shopper. A dear friend of mine who opened a spa asked me to help her getting it going in terms of front desk coverage. Between August  ’14 and January ’15 I worked 7 days a week. You read it right: seven days a week. The only time I took off was when I travelled or for book appearances. I’m now only on Saturdays at the spa, keeping my Sundays for all things household, hanging out with friends or (if the Muse strikes) writing all day.

In the evening I become mom and wife. Dates about two times a week, sometimes more. Patty Cakes (don’t tell my kid I posted this here, he’d be mortified) doesn’t need my help so much with homework since Tippy Toes really cracks the whip and pushes him to study more. I know the two nicknames totally grabbed your attention, but I promise to write another time how we came to nickname my son and his girlfriend. 

After dinner I once again become something else: writer. The places I go, the people I meet, the people I get to know inside and out, even their deepest secrets–there’s no way to really capture in words how writing makes me feel. With renewed energy, my fingers run over the keyboard, transforming the voices in my head in words on the paper, one story after another.

At times I envision myself a tree atop a hill, with deep roots, always loving, always feeding, always nurturing, always creating, always protecting, always growing…. I know Camelia is a flower but hey, if I wanna be a tree I sure can, right?

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GoodReads Giveaway

6 Dec

Great giveaway over @ GoodReads  for my novel titled Hidden Heart. There are 5 copies available and over 700 people requesting it. For more details click HERE.

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